“Speak now, or forever remain silent.”
There isn’ t perfect relationship, but some of them are indeed better than the others. Every couple has its own ups and downs, however, what distinguishes happy couples from unhappy is the way they handle them. Arguments, suspicions, attacks are part of life, but when happy couples quarrel, they do so to solve the problem, to be more productive and not destructive.
The art of communication is essential. It should be noted, however, that most couples naturally communicate too little. But too much dialogue does not do well either. Therapist says that problems should not increase further with random conversations, especially those conversations where the subject is not a solution to a problem but an analysis of the character of a partner.
Psychotherapist Vikki Stark, director of the Sedona Counselling Center of Montreal, says that instead of attacking the other person’s character, happy couples express their own feelings to solve a problem.
Good couples, bad couples
Happy Couple Doesn’t Run From Fights. Instead of sweeping under the rug, they ask the big, scary questions to resolve problems “When are we going to have kids?” “Are we really going to another state?”. Talking about issues and doubts, they don’t become more significant issues in the relationship later on. That kind of couples are focused on the present, and they seek for the best compromise, realizing that no matter how different they will always try to find somewhere in the middle.
Never Use Negative Epithets and Name Call. Happy couples in long-term relationships don’t use name calling, eye rolling or insults, such as you’re dumb, you’re lazy and other offenses. Those partners understand that contemptuous behaviors are hard to take back and that can leave an impact on a relationship.
They Set Rules for Arguments. Relationship expert Mario Cloutier says that smart couples, when an emotionally charged fight ends, lay down some ground rules for arguing which should be specific. They have on their mind bigger picture- it’s not so important being always right, it’s about cooling down and resolving the problem.
They Know How to Cool Down and Accept Excuses. When things do get out of hand, they value taking a timeout, count to 10 and take slow, deep breaths or merely telling they are sorry. Honest apologies will make them stop being angry and simply move on. When both sides can soothe themselves, they’re usually able to resolve with more ease.
They React Promptly. They react as soon as the problem begins to appear, not when it is escalating after “we’ll see what’s going to be.” They acknowledge each other’s feelings and points of view, so these positive moments allow more productive conversation.”
Respect After the Quarrel. It’s not like you’re stretching your hands and squeezing them tightly, but every quarrel ends with the unfailing respect of each other. It’s a security that they can talk to the partner without fear that the words they say will endanger their relationship.
They Never Forget That, in The End, They’re a Team.
Healthy couples will never forget one thing- no matter how intense and emotional argue is, they’re a team, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.
Happy couples know that no matter how angry they may be, life will continue after, so they don’t want to do lasting damage.