When you met your life or current partner, you were fascinated by the fact of how much you have in common. You like the same bands, you are allergic to the same food, you both predicted a similar outcome of the last GoT season. And you fell in love. It’s easy to fall in love with things you prefer yourself. You rarely do anything separately, and you seem to be incomplete when your loved one is not around you.
And then, you face the opposite, the things your partner does, and what you would do in a thousand different ways. These are the real challenges of your relationship. When you reach the first disagreement and still have the feeling that you are okay with it. In fact, you realize that you love that person. It is okay, just because it comes from him or her. Otherwise, you would not tolerate others.
If you have the advantage of knowing how a healthy relationship should work, then you know there are simple rules about things to do separately. Space, as we often call it, is the basis of a healthy relationship of a couple that involves preserving personal integrity, personality, commitment to yourself, and great trust in the person you are in love with.
It’s nice to be always in the embrace of love, but if you want it to last, these are things you need to do separately.
Everyone should keep their own tribe separately
You are thinking about your friends. Most of them have children and careers. It’s rare for anyone to have extra time, and only a few are single. Then you think about your partner’s friends. Same. No matter how beautifully the idea sounds to connect the tribes and have the unforgettable evening, with solving everyone’s life and love issues – this will never happen. Everyone will find a way for themselves, and you will use the free evening to spend with your friends, to hear their stories and tell yours, separately.
The best friends evening
It is a great advantage if you consider your partner’s best friend as a nice and pleasant person. Still, this is not your best friend. You probably have your own, don’t forget about him. While you were still searching for your better half, this person was always with you. You can’t let him go now. Choose one evening on the week that you will dedicate to that person, separately from your partner or your friend’s partner. Go out for dinner, to the cinema, or sit down on the couch for talk for hours. A true friend is worth the gold, until the end of life.
You are not a natural talent for his kind of hobbies
And if you’re overly interested in loading your Instagram with mutual photos at the gym, you should have your workouts separately. Going to the gym together is simply not productive due to multiple factors. First, you will not be concentrated on exercise. Second, you’re probably not in the same shape, and you will try to keep up with your partner, and that will overload or slow you down.
Additionally, you can not select an activity that will be your hobby or workout just because your partner likes it or asks you to follow it. Or otherwise. Let this hour or two per day to be the time that everyone will dedicate to themselves, separately, and do what each of you likes.
Get involved in social activities by your own
Every one of us needs to be involved in some social activity, after which you will come home and tell your partner how was your day. It can be some kind of workshop or charity work, choir rehearsals that you will be done separately in both ways, physically and personally from another person. It is essential to find a community of people who do not know your partner well, nor your personal life. Therefore, it would be more exciting to show up together at some annual event or gathering. Your partner will also get the opportunity to show affection and respect towards you by following and supporting your engagement in a particular social activity.
Visit other family members separately
It’s true that your mother is admiring your new girlfriend or grandmother is making your favorite cookie especially for your husband, who always fixes everything in her home, but it’s good to visit your families separately.
Both sides should be aware of these kinds of visits, without hiding and other intentions. On the contrary, going alone does not mean that you have secrets to hide, but that you may be a person of trust for somebody else. Besides, you may be looking at the old family albums, reviving childhood, first love, all the trouble, and joys you had. These are the moments that you will share with your parents, sisters, brothers, so it is good sometimes to do things separately.
Many people will not recognize the boundary in things to do separately. Still, have a little gut. Trust each other. If you let them breathe, you will have more space to stay what you are. The person he or she fell in love with. If you do things separately, you will have more chances to miss each other and eagerly await all the beautiful moments that you will spend together.