Every family has its own everyday argues. We love each other so much, but sometimes it can be quite annoying when kids don’t wanna clean up their room, a good husband forget to buy milk or wife has ten pairs of new expensive shoes, but you are one month of mortgage behind. The money. Arguing about who it is spending more can be a reflection of the different attitudes but also could point out severe problems of self-esteem and power upon the family members. But do argues can help for real or just make things worse? If quarrels do not produce any results, change the strategy and try to discuss the issues calmly. Without mutual accusations, talk about how you feel when a partner spends more money or don’t know how to save. The other side, same, have to say how it feels like to live with such a boring prank who never wants to go, not even for ice cream.
One of you is a spender, the other one is a saver
Where the argues start: You have quite the opposite views and values concerning money. The spender feels limited, and the saver is unsure. Such couples see only the negative side of the financial habits of the partners.
How to stop: Learn to recognize the financial strength of a partner. Take for example – buying a car. Saver will most likely be for a cheap car, while the spender will want a more expensive car. To make a compromise with which you can live together, combine the skill of saver to find a good deal with the capability of the sender to always look for better and still to make the purchase.
Your goal: You always strive to make better decisions than you do on your own, jointly. Before each major purchase, talk about your needs and expectations and set a limit on how much you are willing to spend.
Who brings food on the table? Life from one salary
Why are you arguing: A person who is earning money expects to control the use of it while a non-earning partner believes that decisions should be made jointly. This creates stress, conflict, and misbalance of power.
How to stop argues: Here, the problem is about control, and marriage is a partnership: using the money, even unconsciously, to control your partner, can significantly jeopardize your marriage. Talk about this topic when you are both calm, not at the moment of quarrel, and tell how you feel. A technique that may be able to help you is to determine the budget that each partner can spend, or arrange to consider together the purchase of anything that is more than the agreed sum.
Your goal: It may take more time to solve this problem, leave the argues behind. If either of you breaks the new rules, talk about the reasons. If disagreements are still present, seek the assistance of a psychologist. Neutral, a third person, can help you understand your partner’s viewpoint.
You do not agree on the priority of spending on children
Most common argues on this topic: You are not really arguing about whether to buy the latest model of phones, computers, games or more expensive clothing or to save money for the child. In fact, those kind of argues are about the value.
How to stop: If you do not talk about the core of the problem, you will continue to argue for a long time. Such conflicts arise from the way in which partners were raised as children. For example, you may have always had the latest models of everything, and you think it will be suitable for your children, and your partner does not think that it will be better for a child. However, explaining and expressing the emotions behind your beliefs will help you reach a compromise.
Your goal: Try to reach a compromise. If the conflict is not around the cost of something, find what is behind it and solve it.
One of you spends “under the table”
Why are you arguing: This is called “financial infidelity.” The reason may be that one of you is not accustomed to having responsibility for your consumer habits or merely is scaring the partner’s reactions. But when a partner discovers your troubles, he will feel cheated, and a problem may arise.
How to stop argues: There are several ways to try to solve this problem. For example, open a separate account for someone who spends a monthly limit, but if the same method of spending in quiet continues, you may need to talk with a psychiatrist about why the partner needs to hide it.
Your goal: The easiest way to avoid quarrels is to talk openly about your consumer habits and the importance of trust.
You have loans and/or other debts
The argues: Debts of any kind can cause stress, especially if you can not afford to repay them or if you disagree with your partner about whether you need to save or pay off debts.
How to stop: The easiest way to solve problems is to talk about debts and agree on what you will repay first to save your debts once and for all. Either way, take the time to analyze (what is the debt, what types, how much you have your savings, how much each one earns) and make a realistic plan.
Your goal: You need to talk about your priorities because you may define security as a “lack of debts” while your partner thinks that security is a bigger savings account, even though it has some debts. When you clear these things, you will be easy to arrange.
Whoever is responsible for money does not pay bills on time
Why are you arguing: Obviously, a person who does not fulfill the obligations on time, brings the family into financial risk (default interest, bad credit status, etc.). But on the other hand, that person may feel overloaded because he has to wear the burden of the family’s finances.
How to stop: Agree on the date of each month when you will sit down and go through the accounts together. Take advantage of this time to discuss the overall state of finances and solve problems as they occur. In this way, one of you will not feel that the burden is on him.
Your goal: Look for practical ways to make it easier for anyone who is responsible for all payments (for example, opening permanent accounts in a bank, etc.). Or, from time to time, replace the roles to get a better understanding. The key is not to blame the guilt, but to find a standard solution.